In September of 2009 I had a lot going on. First of all, I was enrolling into Kaplan University Online for paralegal studies. I needed to go back to school after taking a year off due to my grandparents health and then the untimely death of my grandmother, which still to this day haunts me but that’s another story. On top of that my boyfriends 21st birthday was coming up at the end of the month and I was trying to plan something special for him, and that same week was our 1 year anniversary as well. So you can imagine that my emotional-meter was quite high at the time but it was full of happiness and excitement of course. I was changing, becoming more of an adult and feeling confident.
One day my Aunt Pam sends me a facebook message. She is the half sister of my biological/estranged father whom I have met several times though out Conway. Mostly in Hannafords or at U.S Cellular, we exchange hellos and greetings and speak briefly. She was my only contact to that side of my family that I felt like a stranger. She told me in the message that she had spoken to him at the races (her husband my uncle drives a racecar I believe?) And told him that she speaks to me. She then obtained his cell phone number and gratefully gave it to me, with hopes I would speak to him. I have only met my father once in my life and that was when I was either 4 or 5 and all I remember of his was tall, large and a bushy beard and wearing a hat with long dark brown curly hair that was sticking out of it. That was all.
One day my Aunt Pam sends me a facebook message. She is the half sister of my biological/estranged father whom I have met several times though out Conway. Mostly in Hannafords or at U.S Cellular, we exchange hellos and greetings and speak briefly. She was my only contact to that side of my family that I felt like a stranger. She told me in the message that she had spoken to him at the races (her husband my uncle drives a racecar I believe?) And told him that she speaks to me. She then obtained his cell phone number and gratefully gave it to me, with hopes I would speak to him. I have only met my father once in my life and that was when I was either 4 or 5 and all I remember of his was tall, large and a bushy beard and wearing a hat with long dark brown curly hair that was sticking out of it. That was all.
I have always wondered about that man who had a huge part of my being. For years my mother (Teresa) had fed me these benine stories that he never loved me, wished I was a boy and that he was too immature to be a father. (Coming from the woman who gave birth to my brother at 20 hmm) All those words of course came out of her drunk mouth but who else was I to believe? I looked nothing like my mothers side of the family, the side that I am close to (for those who know me.) I consider myself the black sheep of the family, with my dark brown hair and dark brown eyes almost makes me feel inferior to my light auburn some times blonde headed cousins and blue eyed family members. Still to this day at family gatherings I still get looked at as if I am an unwanted guest or that I am simply a friend of someone who came. Where as my brother Mark who is a spitting image of Teresa frolics through and everyone knows who he belongs to. Recently at my great aunts funeral I had a family member ask me who I came with. I said "My grandfather." and they looked at me and asked "Who’s your grandfather" I said "Reggie." My grandfather is well known here and well liked. They laughed at me until my mother came over and confessed she had given birth to me. *inserts blank stair*
I had enough. I had questions I wanted answers to, but I am not angry at all. I sent the man a text saying "Is this Brian Anderson?" hoping that the man knows how to text, and in a matter of 10 minutes I received a text that said "Yes who is this?" taken back that he actually texted me back I didn’t know what to say. I was at work I had so much in my head I was a text message away from my real father what do I say? I said "This is Britney" Next thing I know we agreed that he would call me at 7 that night to talk. Well. How happy could I get? Pretty darn happy. I was so over joyed I sent Jason a text telling him I had gotten a hold of my father. He had always been a big supporter since we started dating that I should some how get into contact with him. My grandmother was also a hug inspiration as well she never bad talked him and thought I should at least talk to him once. That night we were on the phone from 7 till 9 talking exchanging life stories talked about Teresa and what she had done to him to make him back away from me what she had done to be growing up, his new family and I have a little half brother. How exciting. I for once am the big sister. I have always been the little sister now its my turn to be the cool sibling. My father has lived in south Portland for almost 15+ years and he use to work for DHL delivering packages all over the place. Come to find out he use to deliver to Fryeburg Academy until 2008. So during my entire school career (I graduated in 2007) I had most likely seen him and not even known it. Talk about weird? We agreed that Saturday we would meet up for dinner at Olive Garden. So Jason and I headed over to Portland for some shopping, ok just me shopping more like him dragging his feet haha and met with him. He said that he was the guy wearing a orange Harley Davidson t-shirt he said he looked like a big old pumpkin but then I saw him. Tall, thin, short dark brown hair, like mine trimmed facial hair and those dark brown eyes he smiled at me. He had two little kids with him (his girlfriends kids which I learned...MUCH later another story all in its own trust me.) He hugged me so hard I felt like a small little girl, I had finally someone to call me their little girl. (At 20 at the time. Yes. I am someone’s little princess damnit.) And I had also made a full grown man cry as he held my face in his hard working hands. He was so lost for words we both were speechless for about a good 5 minutes. I felt like a missing puzzle piece of my heart had been filled. I was starting to see my life a little more clearer now.
We were probably at the restaurant for almost 3-4 hours talking getting to know one another (Jason as well...and two kids a boy and a girl.) We exchanged more stories and he told me some stories about Teresa and I could relate to them. You can’t make that stuff up. For those who don’t know me my mother is a sever alcoholic who through my eyes has never really been a mother. Though I will admit now, she is trying. (Trying.) Then the words came out from his mouth. "Aren’t you mad at me for not being there?" Granted I did go through that stage that I was pissed off I never had a father. But, I had him now and that was all that mattered. "No." I said. "That’s in the past, why worry about yesterday when we should worry about tomorrow?" I think there was a big sigh of relief on his face.
When we parted we hugged again for another 10 minutes and we took off warm hearted and full I might add, the truck headed towards home and it was silent. Tears started to swell in my eyes and Jason pokes me and says "hey." I turn to face him smiling as the tears are now cascading down my smiling cheeks. "You happy?" He asks. "Yes. That’s my daddy." I said. "I met my daddy." I kept saying. Jason smiles and tells me "I am glad you met him too." then it was funny after a while Jason pipes up again and says "you know, you guys have the same mannerisms? It was kinda weird to watch you two." I had to laugh. For anyone that has or is taking psychology knows all about the difference between Nurture vs. Nature. Children tend to pick up things from their peers and their surroundings. I just find it interesting I picked up traits and my some of my mannerisms from my father whom was absent from my life till then.
I feel very fortunate to have him in my life. Though when I told Teresa and Mark they both had an issue with it. She was angry at me for awhile all because she was afraid I was going to believe "His lies" she puts it but hey there is always some truth with in a lie right? I told her that I am an adult and I will do what I want when I want to. Nuff said. I would always feel some jealousy towards my friends who had both of their parents. But now I have my father. When someone tells me I look like my mother I try not to bite their face off and I simply smile and say "oh well I think I look more like my father." and I can say this now with full confidence and not shy away when someone that knows my father tells me I look like him I can now say "thank you. I know I do." I also understand where a lot of other things come from like me battling with depression my father has it, and some other habits as well. Its good to know these things. Now with facebook I can see pictures of his side of the family and how much I look like my cousins. I know where I belong now and I don’t feel so out of place. I love it.
So to those who have their fathers in their life you are lucky and now that Fathers Day has passed I hope you told them how much you love them and that you are grateful for everything that they have ever done for you. Hold on to those wonderful memories that helped shape you into the person you are today.
I love you Daddy. <3
