Brit's: For my Grammie

Tomorrow will by my Grandmothers 74th Birthday. In all she would have been 74 if only she survived her battle of cervical cancer on August 13, 2008 that went unnoticed till fully it was too late.

My Grandmother has always been the inspiration of my every being. She told me that one day I would publish something because I wrote all the time. She would read my short stories and poems with full wonder. Now no one really reads my poems unless I truly feel like they are worthy enough. My Gram read EVERYTHING.

I just wanted to say that she is still near and dear to my heart. She was a quiet and shy type of lady who spoke up when something finally hit her. I have to thank this woman who during her last year watched as her only granddaughter but herself through living hell. My Gram knew I had an eating disorder and a drug addiction. (I am clean and healthy now guys) She was quiet none the less but let me cry and scream when ever I wanted to get my feelings out. She would listen when I no one else would. She never judged me or criticized me or anything. Now its almost 2 years since she has been gone almost 2 years since I have held her, hugged her, or even heard her voice. It was hard calling the house and not hearing her voice. The picture above was taken at my High school Graduation of course.

For anyone who has lost someone really close to them, you can relate to my pain that I feel. The day that she died I swear a part of me had died with her. I held her hand till she took her last breath. I remember that I was starting to rub under my eyes almost raw from how much crying I had done. Really after the funeral I didn't have much time to grieve. I had to go back to work put a game face on and pretend I was happy when it felt like my whole world came crashing down upon me. My best friend was gone and I was lonely.

I have so many wonderful memories of my Gram that I keep hidden in a vault in the back of my mind that when something bad happens I always think of it. I can still hear her voice if I listen carefully. I played my Clarinet for the first time in almost a year this morning and I just remembered her and my Grandfather NEVER missed a single concert I was in. She loved my music. She also made the best home-made corn chowder and that whenever I have someone elses it will never be good enough as hers. She also made a killer apple pie too. For the fact that she was quite she was so smart. I miss how she use to always harp on me about either my school work or my college studies. (I took a year off of school after she died.) I wish she could see me now with my Paralegal work. She would be so proud and she would have loved Jason. (she wasn't really too found of my last boyfriend. ha ha) I am shocked at how long she even dealt with my Grandfathers crazy antics but that's love for you. She was strong and never showed she was in pain. I think I adopted that from her. I also adopted her sweet gentleness when I want to be...She showed me how to sew and to knit. I just remember sitting on the couch and watching movies with her or even talking about the most random things. She even let me listen to my hard rock music.

I guess I could go on and on about this woman that I love so near and dear. Heck I even have hers and my Grandfathers initials tattooed into my arm. My Grandparents raised me when my mother (their daughter) couldn't really do it herself. But that's another story all on its own.

Recently I have been going through this turtle thing and I want one. This morning after my little clarinet session I was digging through her dresser to find a pin to wear with my sweater. Low and be hold there was a Turtle Pin.
Seems like my Gram knew I was looking for something. She did always have something up her sleeve.

For those out there that still have your Grandparents, be thankful. I feel so VERY fortunate to have had mine and be so very close. Grandparents are the gate way to the past to shape who you are today. I hope everyone is as lucky as I.

--Brit.