The sound of ticking-and-taping of keyboard sounds me. Everywhere. I take a deep breath. I reach under my desk and grab my purse and start to rummage through the abyss. Fumbling through all of my shit-which I am still trying to understand why I have to have so much crap. I move my Purell and found the item I wanted most. My Ipod. I gingerly place each ear piece in the appropriately labeled ear (left goes into the left, and the right goes into the right geesh) and turn on the music. *ah* soliace of the blasting hard rock that is on there at the moment.
My job is filled with bullshit, and mostly back-stabbing women. Its always girls who enjoy the untenable turmoil of others. Why? Because girls don't "beat each other up" if things go airway. Their form of "dueling" is the act of verbal abuse. Please that whole saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is probably the worlds biggest load of crap I have ever heard. Please, I would much rather pull out the fista-cuffs then deal with the harsh words, so much easier. And now as the song "hit me with your best shot" blasts through my earphones shows me that sometimes enough is freaking enough. Women are mean and malicious with their actions and its quite scary.
Yesterday in particular, was kinda an off day. I hate coming into work with everyone (well a majority of the downstairs folks I work with) likes to whisper about me. I was chained at my desk with a lot more anger than usual. All because I saw in written words, what my so called "office mother" wrote to someone else about me "oh I get it, she's too busy with her boyfriend to do school work, she she comes to work and does it" --wow hold up. First I am sure you are wondering how I saw this, at the firm here (I work at a Law office) we have this thing called "stickies" kinda like instant messaging through out the office. She left this stickie up, and I just happened to see it because I was answering the backup phone at her desk, cause I don't have one at mine. Low and behold the words were there, and of course out of human nature you are going to read whatever it is that's laid 
out on the screen.
out on the screen. Here's the deal, besides the obvious. I decide to change my career from a history teacher to become a paralegal. I got interested because when I started working here part time in the winter of 07' law was cool. Still is but if only the ends justify the means right? In June of 2009 I became full time here and then in September I enrolled at Kaplan University online for my paralegal degree. Things seemed all honky dory if you will, I was allowed to bring in school work, ask questions, and I enjoyed asking questions from the professionals. I was on the Presidents List thanks to the A's I had received. Then, everything, started to go downhill. It was before hand just a little with one woman who I swear had a personal vendetta against me for nothing but she left the firm and I thought all was calm in the land. WRONG-O. My "office mom" and the girl out front had started to talk shit about me. They watched my every move, what I did, what I was doing. I deleted them off of my facebooks (no-blocked them actually) because we weren't friends, they were just keeping tabs on me, you know just in case if I had logged on at all to day. (funny cause they would have to too...right? hmm) They observed how long I was using my cellphone (that I am not allowed to have at my desk cause my boss swears I have a texting problem....yaaa haha) or how long I have been in the ladies room wondering what on earth I could really be doing. Drugs. Simple. Wow. The beauty of this is that, I know some dirt on one of these girls that could potinally destroy her marriage. She shouldn't be so careless with things....
Since all of this mean back-stabbing stuff has been happening, my grades have dropped from A's to C's. I don't care about school anymore. It just doesn't feel the same as it use to when I first started out. I wanted to be able to come to work with a smile on my face, and to think I would be the one to excel over all because I already work at a law office with the people I need to be with. WRONG. Every time someone from the downstairs area freaking starts being all buddy-buddy with me I bite my tongue hard enough to either lose it or just taste the blood. Now hold it-- I have already spoken with my boss. He says if I catch them saying things about me come to him, but other than that I have no proof of this. OH wow wait-- and before you roll your eyes even more, The reason why I stay, is because first of all, where I live there is nothing here but working at McDonald's OR being a chamber maid and being paid 10x's less than what I make here. (though that isn't really enough either) And the days that don't entirely suck, are tolerable. I do take for granted the days that everyone is getting along. I have learned that hey, if my boss wanted me fired, then he would have fired me LOOOOOONG ago. And its kinda funny to see them all frustrated when I get away with things that they think I should be punished for. I am trying to get back into the school mode and do my best. It will look wonderful on my updated resume that I had worked for a law firm during (maybe? dunno what the future holds!) my college career.
I know that no matter where you go I am not always going to get along with everyone, and that's fine. The world isn't a perfect place, because the people in it are not perfect. I have been known to be outspoken at times when I shouldn't. I know I should confront those who speak ill of me but I am afraid by doing so will only make this third-layer of hell worse. I find that perhaps silence is the best answer for some things rather more than words. Its just sad that I in the end-will know everything. I always do. Though I know you should always tell someone how you feel, but its different when you're a grown up. This isn't high school anymore. This is the real world and the real world down right sucks at times.
From this experience, I will take with me to whatever other firm I will go to when I graduate college. I know deep down in my heart I will get my B.A. in Paralegal studies and become someone. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger in the end, and I know I am the bigger person than those words.
-Britney.
(I am sure that the mention of mean girls wont be the last time I say anything either....ha ha)
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